Putting yourself last? Caregiving should not mean martyrdom.
Should caring for our loved ones mean sacrificing ourselves?
Should caring for our loved ones mean sacrificing ourselves? That's the question I want us to consider as we start this week.
The past few days, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on what it means to be a family caregiver. The experience changed me in ways I am still discovering.
Grounds of the J. Paul Getty Museum/Los Angeles
I've been thinking a lot about my mother, Miss Nellie. The goal was to not fight or push away the emotions of missing her, but rather to embrace the various feelings which bubbled up.
That exercise allowed me to consider the moments along the care journey when I felt incredibly overwhelmed and at times questioned how I could go on.
It also gave me a chance to do a mental review of the many positive and joyful moments I was able to provide and share with my mother.
What does this have to do with all of you in this moment? Well, if you are a family caregiver and are up to your eyeballs with work, tasks, doctor’s appointments and the like I want you to consider this:
Yes, you should continue to focus on your loved ones, but I do not believe you should sacrifice all of you in that process.
Time moves fast
Just like the song says, “Don’t Blink,” because before you know it you look up, glance in the mirror and wonder, 'where have the years gone?'
I urge you to face whatever fears you may have about asking for help or allowing family or friends to lend a hand once in a while, so that you can take time for yourself.
I know, easier said that done. So what can you do? Try thinking outside the box to give yourself even a few moments when you can do something for you.
Grounds J. Paul Getty Museum/Los Angeles
Why am I sharing this now? It has to do with the reasons I was sitting still the past few days. I took a short trip to Los Angeles to visit with family and see long-time friends. Part of the trip was spent at the famed J. Paul Getty Museum.
Sadly, this was one outing I was not able to offer my mother before her passing. I lived and worked in Los Angeles when the Getty was being built and finally opened.
Excitement and interest was so high that upon opening, wait times to get in were hours long. That was too much for my mother to handle. By the time things settled down, we no longer lived in Los Angeles. Time, age and decline prevented a visit. Miss Nellie never had a chance to experience this incredible location.
As I walked the grounds this weekend, I couldn’t help but think how much my mother would have enjoyed the adventure. I would have enjoyed watching her soak it all in.
J. Paul Getty Museum/Los Angeles
Experiences from home
For those of you somewhat locked in place due to caregiving, you should know the J. Paul Getty Museum offers virtual tours and art from home.
It’s super easy: you can log on and in a few minutes provide an incredible cultural outing for your loved one while taking a few minutes for yourself. You can even download an app to your phone. I’d call that a WIN-WIN!
Coming up...
Coming up later this week, KIRC will share more on how other caregivers navigate the many challenges of caregiving while maintaining their own emotional well-being.
*Do you have a unique approach to your caregiving journey you would like to share with others? Submit to the 'In your own words' here...
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Until next time,
Julia
*Header Image: Courtesy/Adobe Stock*