A caregiver no more: What happens when you lose your entire family in 24-hours?

PERSONAL ESSAY: Is this a twisted cosmic joke or some kind of sign?

Hello KIRC family~

On this Sunday, there are no updates of events, news or happenings.

Your correspondent is swimming in a pool of grief and honestly, my head and heart are having a difficult time processing much of anything right now.

Since the launch of Keeping It REAL Caregiving, we have talked about the realities faced by caregivers when facing loss.

We all know that eventually death is part of the aging process or the final outcome for a terminal disease.

Just because we know it is coming doesn’t lessen the sting or pain when it happens.

What we have not talked about though, are the levels of care we provide to other beings in our lives - our pets.

KitKat/Miami 2015

Several weeks ago I was researching various topics to consider writing about.

My goal was to find an ‘expert’ who could talk about family caregivers who become so self-identified in that role, that after losing a loved one we tend to transfer that emotional focus to the care to our pets.

Our animals. They are after all family. They need us and love us. It stands to reason we place a high priority on ensuring their care.

But what happens when we lose those four-legged family members? Can our grief be just as painful as losing a person? I had no idea how timely this topic would be.

I found that expert to dive into this topic. He is a nationally recognized veterinarian who works with clients all over the globe. He’ll join us for a live Coffee Chat coming up in a few weeks (as soon as we coordinate busy schedules)

House of fur and feathers

In 2014, I adopted my cat, KitKat from the Broward County Humane Society in South Florida. She was already full grown. Because she was older, I figured my time with her would be shorter, therefore I couldn’t possibly become too emotionally attached.

Oh, how wrong I was! I loved KitKat. Two years ago she was diagnosed with kidney disease, which is quite common in cats. I knew her days were numbered.

Now I' wondering, 'Did the Universe decide to play a cruel joke on me?'

Thursday, September 1, 2022 marked two years to the day I said goodbye to my mother Miss Nellie.

As I braced myself for the emotional tide sure to come, I had no idea it would be more than waves of sadness, but a full-blown tsunami.

Precious moments

In the final days with KitKat, I sat outside with her; let her munch on plants and simply enjoy nature. From a stranger’s glance she may have seemed just fine.

But her hind legs worked only sometimes, she was unable to always make it to her box, could no longer clean herself, and barely ate. The bright light of energy and joy that had been KitKat was no longer.

Tuesday, August 30, 2022 my sweet, beloved KitKat went to kitty heaven.

Little did I know, saying goodbye to KitKat was the beginning of the end of my entire family, which included eight chickens.

Julia & Girl-Girl/2017

Against warnings from others who told me to not consider livestock pets, I did just that. For the past six years, my girls have provided me with fresh eggs and many moments of laughter, happiness and lessons learned about what it means to care for your family.

*Related article - Birds of a feather - 3 lessons my chickens taught me about caregiving

Hours after saying goodbye to KitKat, Mother Nature decided one death just wasn’t enough.

Later that same night she claimed three of my girls,(including my favorite, Girly-Girl) in the form of a very large BEAR. Yes, I said BEAR.

Wednesday morning as I went outside to let the girls start their day, I instead found the fence crushed, the chicken coop demolished, and my remaining five girls scattered around the yard.

This breach meant the surviving girls could no longer remain. After all, a bear will return to a scene where it found food.

(Sure enough, said bear came back looking for more)

Thankfully, I found a local livestock farm/zoo willing to give the girls a new home. The decision was made to immediately round them up and deliver them elsewhere.


Don’t Blink

So just like that. In 24-hours my entire family - gone. They may not have been humans, but they were my family nonetheless.

The living, breathing beings that were part of the very fabric of my life for years are simply no more.

I suspect this loss stings even more, given it all happened as I was missing my mother and honoring her memory. What are the chances all of this happening the same week?

Years ago, a friend sent me this meme:

This bear didn’t kill me, but it caused pain. I'm not mad at the bear, as it is just looking to survive. But my heart is broken. I miss my mother. I am devastated at the loss of my feathered and furry family members. I am sad.

I am now left pondering how much of who I have become, is entwined with providing care to others? Not only am I sad but now, I feel a little bit lost.

I know I’m not alone in these feelings? Who else is or has gone through this? How have you refocused energy and purpose on yourself? Would love to hear from you...

Until next time~

Julia